Vision

On June 30th, I had the most amazing opportunity to get LASIK, a procedure that can fix eyes. Think about that. Broken eyes that don't hardly work at all are made whole. A few weeks prior (well, years really) I had been seriously considering getting lasik. I shopped around for price, facilities, doctors, and referrals. The best price came with the worst reviews (but are we really bargain shopping for new eyes? No.). And the highest price came with a long drive. The best reviews came with a home town doctor that I wanted to give my business to. I decided to go with Dr. Ballif at the Mt. Ogden Eye Center. At my pre-op appointment, my eye exams taught me more about my eyes. I have huge pupils. Normally scan A is taken with the lights off so pupils will dilate. Well, I had to stare at the light before the scan to make my pupils shrink. Also, I have worse vision than I thought I did. The scans (effortless measurements of the geography of the eye as well as prescription) revealed that I had been under correcting my right eye. My contact strength was 3.75 in my left eye and 5.75 in my right eye, but I should have been 6.25 in my right eye all along. In fact, when they asked me to read the smallest letter I could, I just laughed out loud and said "what letters?" My left eye was 20/400 (I see something at 20 feet away as clearly as if it were 400 feet away) and my right eye was off the charts, meaning I could barely see how many fingers the nurse was holding up when she stood 6 feet away. I also have a type of cataract on the backs of both of my lenses. It is shaped like an X because when my eye was forming in utero, it didn't quite finish up and left an X shaped scar on the backs of both of my eyes. It is more severe in my right eye, hence the worse prescription.

When I arrived at the surgical center, I got a little nostalgic taking off my glasses for the last time. I remember when I was in first grade I got glasses for the first time--literally the first time trees had leaves, clouds had texture, signs had words, etc. My teacher had called home and mentioned that my behavior was not good--I didn't pay attention during board work and I bothered my neighbors. When my mom and dad talked about it that night, my dad put some letters on a paper and taped it to the door. "Chloe, what does that paper say?" And my 5 year old self said, "What paper?" Because I couldn't make out the white paper against the white door. I soon after got my first pair of glasses, only to be made fun of at show and tell. For the next several years, I kept my glasses in my desk so I could slip them on to see instructions, or to read, and then remove them. One terrible time, I lost my glasses on the zip line in Park City. How mortifying to not be able to see for days or longer? I distinctly remember hating walking down the halls in sixth grade because if someone I knew was walking past me, I wouldn't be able to tell who they were, so I wouldn't be able to say hi, so I always looked at my feet when I was alone in the hall. In seventh grade, I begged for contacts, and I got them for Christmas. That night I ripped one trying to take it out of my eye, so I started sleeping in them so that I wouldn't rip them and run out. I got used to wearing them until it hurt (usually close to 60 days) and did that for over ten years. I am not complaining, I am reminiscing. Not being able to see properly was a really hard thing for me for a lot of years.

Prior to surgery, they re-examined my eyes and started the anesthetic drops and gave me a valium. In all honesty, I was not nervous at all, likely because I had resisted watching a lasik procedure on youtube. But hey, the valium sure kept me calm anyway. My mom, Connie and Megan came to watch. After I laid down in the chair, it wasn't 10 minutes before I was walking out of the room. First, Dr. Ballif put a plastic ring on my eye (pressure) used a non-burning, blade free laser to cut my cornea into a flap. Then he swiveled my chair and put me under a laser for about 20 seconds. Then he laid the flap down, and the left eye was up. That's it. I laid down in that chair hardly being able to see where I was putting my feet, and stood up looking a nurse in the eyes. I turned around and looked at my mom who was 15 feet away through a window and said, "I can see you." I have to admit, that was really emotional for me. For the next couple hours I slept through the anesthetic wearing off (thank you loratab) and woke up completely fine. For the next week I dealt a little bit with a cloudy haze, some glare, and halos at night. But it has been a full week now, and I haven't had a problem. Some antibiotic drops, steroid drops and artificial tears have helped with the comfort level. I really am amazed at the whole process. It really is a miracle. I am so grateful that I grew up with glasses and contacts so that I could see. And I am now so grateful that modern medicine is so sophisticated that I have perfectly good eyes. I feel like I have left a handicap behind me. My left eye now sees 20/15 and my right eye sees 20/25. My eyes are now a crystal clear window to my soul.