October 2nd

The next day I woke up feeling drained. Probably more emotionally than from the chemo. I let work know I was going to be late and wasn't feeling well. "Don't come in if you are sick."
"I'm not contagious."

When I got there, I looked like hell I am sure. My friend asked me what I had, and I had a mini melt down. I had planned perfectly what I would say so I could lie and keep my secret a secret. But the two of them were very supportive and told me to go home, I shouldn't be at work. But I wanted to stay and get my mind off of everything and get something done. So I worked for a few hours and left feeling a bit nauseous and feeling an unfamiliar pressure in my chest.

I went to Lauren's house and tried to relax. I really did feel ok, I was just anxious. Then I started cramping. We decided to go on a walk to the farmer's market that is two houses from hers. After about 2 minutes, I doubled over in pain. It felt as though someone had punched me in the chest. It brought me to tears, and scared us both. She called Dr. Barton who is also her OBGYN and family friend, and I called dad. Barton said, you may want to go to the ER to get checked for blood clots. Clots aren't a symptom of chemo, but chest pain is not a good thing. Dad said, if the chest pain stopped you should be okay. Lauren and I loaded up the car to head to Ogden, still unsure about whether I should go to the ER at McKay or if I was going to be fine. But on the drive up I could barely contain the pain of the cramps. It felt like someone was blending my stomach with a fork from the front and kicking me in the back. I called Chase to tell him what Barton and Dad had said. "Do me a favor. Stop at my parent's house and have Tony give you a blessing." He was in Park City working and would be behind us about an hour.

We got to Tony, and I still hadn't decided if I just needed to lay down or if I really needed an ER. When Tony realized that I was thinking about not going, he said something along the lines of, Oh yes you are, I'll drive you myself! When I told Chase I didn't know if I should go to the ER, he said, you know how we just keep thinking this is going to end, and bad things keep happening? Go to the ER before something really bad happens. So, Tony gave me a blessing, we left Hudson, and Lauren drove me to the ER.

Upon our arrival, the nurses waiting at the door looked at Lauren, 36 weeks pregnant and said, "Labor and delivery?" Um, no. But when I said chest pain, they all jumped. I was in a gown on a bed in a room in no more than five minutes. The doctor and nurse seemed much more concerned with my chest, which was no longer in pain, just tight, than with the searing pain in my abdomen. It reminded me of the pain before I had my appendectomy done 2 years ago. They did give me morphine, and that helped. A lot. I got a CT scan to check my chest for blood clots. They drew blood to check for internal bleeding, and my hematocrit came back at 38; the low end of normal. I had been bleeding vaginally for a very long time, so maybe that's why. But no one was concerned. So I was sent home with Percocet and Zofran. And the feeling that someone should have warned me that Methotrexate would make me feel like I was dying.

We missed a really great night at the David Eccles Conference Center. My grandpa Ferrell was honored my the McKay Dee Hospital Board for starting the cath lab at McKay. He gave a speech and everything. I was mortified that we missed it.